there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
