it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
