Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
