i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
