Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
