I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
