they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
