i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
