Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
a search helicopter?!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
