Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
