I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
