YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
