I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
