dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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