I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
you made out with another girl for some wings
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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