So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize