Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
