well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
