i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think my moral compass just broke
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
