white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
