How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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