i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
