shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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