WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
