I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
