Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
