Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize