Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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