i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
