It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
