Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
