Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
