...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
