I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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