If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
