Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
