I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
