I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
