in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
