Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
