the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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