You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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