Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If I die, sorry about rent.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
