You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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