You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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