Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Congratulations! We have a period
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