haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
