Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
