dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
