I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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