i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
