My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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