new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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