Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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