I can't breathe out the right side of my face
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize