i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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