I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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