Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize