I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
