I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
