My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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