found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
