like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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