There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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