so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So. Much. Porn.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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