I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
