dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
