i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
and she was petting her beer can
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
