Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
